Sunday, September 16, 2012

Entering USM or basically entering university is such a exciting event for me a few months ago. Sadly, after i spent about 2 weeks there at USM, life isn't as great as i always thought....

I am forced to live alone outside which I thought is a big step forward to achieve my freedom but in fact, it's not. I am still not ready yet to face all the decisions that I have to make in my life. WHY? I got no experiences, I got no supporters. I feel so restricted by myself not daring to make any decision. :(

I got no friends there during the orientation week. NONE at all. I was just sitting randomly with some people which then I have to introduce myself again and again but seems like no one have a piece of time to remember it. Seeing people come to USM with a bunch of friends make me feel sick. Where are mines? :(

I told myself that no matter what I need to smile and be confident in myself to overcome this. Who said that everyone in uni must have friends? I am used to the life to be alone so I am dare to take the challenge. Even my kakak angkat can see thru my eyes and ask me to mix with more people outside. Haiz....

I am just not that kind of social-kaki that can be friends with anyone easily. It takes times!!!! Friends is no saje saje for me! I want sincere friends with sincere souls inside them! I think God pity me as well and he gave me one everytime when i feel i am going to give up. I met one friend. A good friend? A sincere friend? I dunno yet but it seems to be. My sensor is a bit rusted. I have to polish it and make an accurate result.

I think i lost my soul somewhere near Nibong Tebal where my uni is located at. A soul that is craving for freedom and friendships. A soul that has a bold heart but scare of lonely. A soul that is waiting for someone to unlock it. Where am I? I am lost.....

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